31 October, 2021

Atlanta In Chaos After City Changes Names Of All Streets To ‘Maple Drive’ To Distance Itself From Confederate Past

ATLANTA—Sending motorists and pedestrians alike into a sea of confusion, Atlanta was reportedly in chaos Tuesday after officials changed the names of every street to “Maple Drive” in an effort to distance the city from its Confederate past. “We applaud the municipality’s decision to no longer honor these racist historical figures, but we do wish they could have found a few more street names just for the sake of clarity,” said local woman Kathleen Stokes, confirming that residents attempting to locate schools, hospitals, and shopping centers were stymied by hundreds of intersecting Maple Drives. “I’m trying to pick up my kids from a playdate and my GPS is having me continue on Maple til I see signs for Maple and then take a soft left on Maple. Don’t get me wrong—I didn’t like the idea of driving down streets named after people who fought for slavery, but I’m pretty sure the name ‘Central Ave’ doesn’t connote any sort of problematic history.” At press time, the city of Atlanta had corrected its error by renaming every street Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd.

Source: The Onion (Of course)