Off the Wall: Next 'No Kings' Protest To End By 4 P.M. So Everyone Can Get Home In Time For 'Matlock'
From the Babylon Bee:
From the Babylon Bee:
According to sources, the next “No Kings” protest is expected to end no later than 4 p.m. so that everyone in attendance can get home in time for Matlock.
The “No Kings” movement, which is primarily comprised of elderly caucasian men and women, is reportedly focused on resisting what they perceive as increasingly authoritarian moves by President Donald Trump at any cost — well, any cost but Matlock.
“I want to watch Matlock!” said Andy Wilson, a boomer. “What’s the point of saving American democracy if we lose Matlock?”
Matlock, currently in its 30th year of syndication, is about a defense lawyer with a folksy old-world charm who doesn’t just defend his client -- he finds the real killer. Played by Andy Griffith, the character of Ben Matlock is a down-to-earth attorney rooted in traditional values, unlike the protestors who like his show.
“He charges a $100,000 retainer but he’s worth it,” Lillian Gates, president of the Official Matlock Fan Club, said. “He once tried a …