Off the Wall: Why Chuck Norris Facts Will Never Die — and Neither Will He
Everybody Loves Chuck (or else)
Everybody Loves Chuck (or else)
We’re writing this introduction because we’re human and need words to explain things. If Chuck Norris had written it, the Internet would have collapsed into respectful silence, the article would have published itself, and your screen would have bowed in reverence. Chuck Norris doesn’t introduce a topic — the topic just wakes up one morning, terrified, and realizes it’s been introduced. That’s how legends begin.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need an introduction — introductions need Chuck Norris’s permission to exist. If you have been alive, online, or even remotely conscious since the mid-2000s, you probably stumbled across a “Chuck Norris fact.” These weren’t facts in the scientific sense — the kind that require proof, logic, or any measurable respect for reality. They were epic love poems to one man’s talent for uppercutting physics, logic, and the occasional dragon into early retirement.
In 2005, the Internet tried to test its strength — and Chuck Norris accepted the challenge. It started innocently enough: a few brave souls on early forums thought Vin Diesel’s The Pacifier needed more explosions and fewer hugs. They began posting jokes about his toughness. But the Internet quickly realized there was only one man whose name could handle that level of exaggeration without combusting. Within days, the jokes evolved, the forums trembled, and humanity discovered what happens when you mix Wi-Fi with a roundhouse kick.
The premise was simple: take Chuck Norris’s on-screen power…
Manhood is measured next to Charles Bronson. He is 1 Bronson. All other men are measured in milliBronsons.
Except Chuck Norris, as there is an equivalency formula used to correlate the Bronson to the Norris.
Chuck deserves the historical applause, but when it comes to real-deal badasses, it's hard to overlook Randall "Tex" Cobb. Legitimate bad-assery to be feared by anyone unarmed. Anyone.
As is often the case, both of these heroes blend badass-violence with engaging and people-friendly dispositions.
(Note to self- "Never antagonize a friendly, funny dude"...You just never know!
Onward, Christian soldiers!